Thursday, April 20, 2017

Individually Defining Our "Good Enough" & Letting the Lord Carry the Difference

Individually Defining Our Good Enough & 
Letting the Lord Carry the Difference
Stake (Can't Remember the Name of Our Stake) Women’s Conference - Saturday, April 22nd, 2017

“Happiness is the Object & Design of our Existence.” –Joseph Smith

But How? When so much weighs on us?
Not My Favorite Video

(Result of our Choices)                   STRESSORS                   (Out of our Control)
·        Challenges
·        Resentments
·        Fears
How we manage our stressors:
·        Beliefs, Thoughts & Attitudes
·        Words
·        Behaviors    

Examples of Coping Mechanisms: music, caffeine, friends, yell, shop, shut down, self-injure, substance use/abuse, pray, create, clean, serve, exercise, gossip, self-talk, study, prescribed medication…

COPING MECHANISMS channel energy toward:

In our efforts, & as we notice the observable qualities of others, we may question:


We each bring our unique experiences to each moment and decision. None of us share the same story or past and even as we do our best to choose healthy coping mechanisms, our lives will still look different from one another. They’re supposed to look different. We can share the commonality though of learning to take charge of what’s in our control and allowing the Lord to carry the rest.

How do we face our Stressors in Distinct, Different & Happy Ways?
Want to share some concepts that are Spiritually based and also supported from a mental health perspective. No set number of suggestions or helpful acronym. You are your best expert. You will know what’s useful to you. One take away verses ten will be more digestible & attemptable.

·      What Energy is Influencing Our Response.
The Spirit = Calm, Peace & Clarity (even when urgent).
Other Forces = Panicky, Anxious, Rushed.
o    Example: Wayward child
§  Evil would use our feelings for the truthfulness of the Gospel to push us in confronting the child with panicky urgency and ultimatums likely to shut down the relationship.
§  The Spirit would have us move forward with patience, long-suffering and compassion--with confidence in the belief of God's love for that child.
o   Spirit of Contention is Not of God. Many scriptures instruct - 3 Nephi 11: 29-30
For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another. Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.
-We are being taught that if we feel stirred up or full of anger, then it is not the Spirit of God motivating our next move. Best next move = PAUSE
o   Charity Never Faileth. On the flip side we are taught - 1 Corinthians 13
We can be noticed and celebrated for many of our skills and attributes, but if we have not charity, we are nothing.
4 Charity suffereth long, and is kind; charity envieth not; charity vaunteth not itself, is not puffed up,
5 Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth;
7 Beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all                 things.
8 Charity never faileth:  
What’s In Your Realm of Control?
o   Worry Flowchart

Usually Self-talking our way through this brings relief. Those who struggle in spite of solid efforts, and our stuck in worry, anxiety and/or panic should consult an expert.

o   Guilt vs Shame
§  Healthy Guilt is a sign of a healthy conscience & motivator toward positive change.
§  We are NOT each other’s Saviors. Friends & supporters, not Saviors. The price has already been paid.
With Consideration to Our Energy Source & What’s in Our Charge,

o   Marvel Not
§  Mosiah 27: 25-26 And the Lord said unto me: Marvel not that all mankind, yea, men and women, all nations, kindreds, tongues and people, must be born again; yea, born of God, changed from their carnal and fallen state, to a state of righteousness, being redeemed of God, becoming his sons and daughters; And thus they become new creatures; and unless they do this, they can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God.
§  It's part of the plan. It's why we are here. “When habits are harder to break than we think they should be, marvel not. When we continue to struggle with the same weaknesses or depressions that we have for years, marvel not. When we find our faith is weak or we obey only because we know we should, and not because we really want to, marvel not. When we feel the full force of the natural man in our life, marvel not. When the state of the world and its moral code continue to devolve, marvel not. When we find ourselves or loved ones making decisions contrary to the standards we believe or know to be true, be patient and kind and, marvel not.” Tommy Montoya, Progressive Discipleship, 2016.
§  Marvel in the power of Jesus Christ to lift and heal.
o   Forgive
§  Hurt Feelings: Miscommunication, Patterns, Mean Energy
§  Solution is the same regardless of the source.
§  Grudge Holding is taking poison & hoping the other person dies.
§  Mistakenly believe staying mad is protecting us.
§  Forgiveness & Trust are not the same. Forgiveness is a quality that represents the person who gives it. It is a free gift that doesn’t have to be earned. Trust is not free. We can forgive people, even if we are extremely cautious with our trust in them.
o   Allow Humaness & Uniqueness
§  Jeffrey R. Holland, April 2017 Conference: On those days when we feel a little out of tune, a little less than what we think we see or hear in others, I would ask us to remember it is by divine design that not all the voices in God’s choir are the same. It takes variety—sopranos and altos, baritones and basses—to make rich music. When we disparage our uniqueness or try to conform to fictitious stereotypes—stereotypes driven by an insatiable consumer culture (as well as stereo types driven by broken Mormon Culture—not The Gospel or Doctrine, but unhelpful Church Culture) and idealized beyond any possible realization by social media—we lose the richness of tone and timbre that God intended when He created a world of diversity.
(It was Satan's plan for everyone to be the same.)
o   Find Value in Our Experiences & Our Ability to Be Flexible
§  Example: messy bed when late night with sick child. Messy bed doesn’t equate to messed up plan. Messy bed equates to compassionate mother.
o   Gossip VS Compassion
o   No Corner Painting
§  Small town challenges.
§  Spaghetti strap summer dress.

Consult Experts – Emotional Hygiene
There is no criticism or second thought to go to the dentist for a toothache or check-up. Our approach to our emotional health and mental well-being needs to be similar. Emotional heaviness, depression and mental illness are for-real aspects of living in mortal bodies. There are many behavioral, psychological and medical options to assist individuals in the efforts toward wellness. These resources offer hope for often indescribable battles waged within, that left untreated may have a terminal ending. 

Remember who the Best Expert to keep on the team is. He is not only our Spiritual advisor, but the creator of these bodies and minds. 

Instead of: When All Else Fails, Include God
Consider: With God, Nothing Will Truly Fail

D&C 6:36 Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

2 Nephi 2: 25 …and men are, that they might have joy.

Through my experiences and the ones I have observed in others, I am confident happiness can be part of the equation—even in the midst of difficulties. 

Extreme challenges come through my door all day, every day. In moments I am consumed by what seems insurmountable odds a student or client is facing, the Spirit reminds me that the potential for good is just as strong as destructive outcome. 

Stressors are part of the plan. Paying attention to our coping mechanisms; the energy source influencing us; and what is and isn't in our charge, will guide us toward opportunities. We will be able to individually define our "good enough" and allow the Lord to carry the difference.

LDS Mental Health Resources

Mental Health Resources

Immediate Help

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